its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
