I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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