my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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