I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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