i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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