its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
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