My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
