I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
