Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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