Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize