Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Randomize
