I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
