No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize