His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
