hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
