Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Someone came in the potted fern
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
