I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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