just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
