This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I have peed in a lot of sinks
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
