I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize