i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
