Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I know her cup size but not her name....
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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