We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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