My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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