Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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