Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
