Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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