He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
