Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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