I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
