I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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