I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Someone signed my nipple.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
