my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
