Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
