When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
