On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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