okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
