I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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