420 ftw
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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