I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
