I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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