im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
