The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
