We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
