It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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