i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
