Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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