Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
