we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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