New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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