I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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