She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
