happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
