This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
