I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
