I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Reggie can tackle my bush.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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