Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
