I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
