I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
