I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I wear drunk well.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
