I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
