If i could tip my vagina, i would.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
