So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
