I want to have your abortion
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
