I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
