This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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