well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
