I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
