Pappa wants mamma naked
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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