I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
