If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
