Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
