I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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