You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I FOUND THE LEGS
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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