Don't you send me to vm
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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