You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
