One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
