He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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