walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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