Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
