Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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