Need sex. Gaining weight.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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