i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
3 2 1 whiskey
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
