if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
