You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Vodka?
Forever.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize