my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
