the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
