I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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