So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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