i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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