I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
