Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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