dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
