Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
