I looked at my own cervix.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
